dear diary

the time has come. i must learn not to care so much anymore. knock it into my head.
it's because i cared too much that result in NOW. it's because of my hypersensitiveness. darn.
the time has come for me to tell my past. i hate my past; i really hate it. and they want me to broadcast it to the whole lighthouse evangelism. i cant do it; im just not ready and will never be. cant they understand?
talk about me disobeying God. sigh.
im was really too naive, too hypersensitive, and too dumb.
say im childish i dun care. this is my stand.

i really wanna pour this to someone but i cant bear to. let them read it themselves; the trusted people. i trust they wont tell it to the whole world. and i hope they'll never ask me about it. i hate my past. sigh.

one fine day. primary five road safety day. boarding the bus eh? a few girls told me that they dun wanna be friends anymore. i was obviously, hurt. they were my closest clique. how can i ever take it lying down.
and since then, i duno wad is friendship anymore. everyone seemed like a hypocrite in my class. those who claim to be neutral are actually on the "other side"
why did i care anyway? primary school friendships never last. rmb that always.
so then, i was so demoralised.
believe it or not; i wanted to end my life. to think of it, i feel so stupid. why should i lose my life over a few "friends"? why should i give in to them? it's so NOT WORTH. ha.

that's the dumbest part. i wanted to end my life? i cant believe i tot of that.
and sometimes i scratch myself to relieve abit of stress. anyway it doesnt leave marks. and wad made me tell my mum. i regret telling her. if i didnt, i'll never have this problem.

so, they wanna broadcast two of my dumbest mistakes. self infliction and suicide. hahaha.. i find it really funny.
so wad's so nice about telling my dumb mistakes?

i dun wanna testify. thank you. mum is quite a prominant person', everyone knoes im her daughter. sighz.

help.

dear diary;

okay wanted to shut this down but... i guess.
something planted in my heart some time ago... i wanna join speedlight choir.
but i cant bear to do that with so many people leaving. [or alr left]

i cant manage two ministries at one go; that is impossible.
there was a choir recuit last year. i was SO TEMPTED to write my name.
anyway, i dont even know if i can make the cut.
sigh.

i want to join speedlight choirr.
i wonder, when are they gna declare they're offically not in the ushering ministry.
i cant even tell my ldrs that i want to break; how can i ever tell them that i want to quit the ministry?!

headache sia. i wish i never had the passion to sing now.

me?
im just another incohorent girl on the face on the earth. singing's my passion, but i do badly at it.
and it doesnt help that some people stress that point to me too. it redundant, cos i already know it.
trying to live for God alone. still trying.

you'll find out who sheryl really is here.

wait a minute.
you dont even need to know me.

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