Dear Diary,

sometimes i just cant help but feel self-concious and small. it seems that 12, is an in between age and i want it to blow over fast. 12 is never a wonderful age. but, nevertheless, i found much of my joy this year. joining the ushering ministry has never been a regret for me. knowing more frens has never been a regret. serving God has never never never been a regret.
but the bad thing about 12 is that ppl duno how to treat you. duno if they sould see you as a grown person or as an immature, young kid who cant do anything. i remember, last year i was a faithful attender of MS. i wanted to serve as a gospelighter. thinking back now, i feel so uneasy. LOL, i tried heels. but as time passed by, the passion wore off. perhaps last year marks the end of my primary school immaturity.
self-concious. i wonder why, but ppl like alvin tay makes me so kang kor. (uneasy, in a sense) i feel so small. i cant find my identity in this world anymore sehx. i lost it, and i duno where or when i can find it. whenever i do sth, i will like, think of how others will feel. for example, making pressies. i'll think HARD whether the person will find it this and that. tho at times i duno why i lost my mind and go really impulsive; not thinking b4 i say or do sth. i hate those times. when i reflect later, i cringe. i dun wanna do/say those things; i cant help it! i feel so lost. i duno what to do. what is happening to me?!
ushering at such a young age sometimes make me feel abit uneasy. ppl start saying to me "oh, you so young ushering le ar?" ushering clothes make me look older. ya i know that. lijia tot i was sec2. haha..
thinking of last year, i rmb once there was a misunderstanding between me and my parents. becuase of it, my dad din allow me to go MS that saturday. and i rmb my mom's words ever so clearly. "ni bu yao yong church de events lai ya wo hor!" (you dun use church events to pressure me) i was heartbroken. i dun exactly call this persecution, but as a christian. how can my mom say such words like that? i din do it either. when did i pressure her with church events? and it was really sad that my dad actually dont allow me to go MS cuz of that little matter. cuz of a communication breakdown. he's a believer for goodness sake.
i had my struggles in this ministry. i did my SA1 exam quite badly this year and i almost had to drop out of ushering. thank God i did well in my prelims or the fear will turn to reality. my dad and mom actually had the 'courage' to tell me not to go for sunday service and cg unless i was ushering. what crap is that. they know the importance of sunday! they know we shud go to church on sunday. at least to cg. but how can they ever ever suggest and think of this?!
okay. it's quite a long entry. i think i sign off now.

ending with a heavy heart,
-sheryl-

me?
im just another incohorent girl on the face on the earth. singing's my passion, but i do badly at it.
and it doesnt help that some people stress that point to me too. it redundant, cos i already know it.
trying to live for God alone. still trying.

you'll find out who sheryl really is here.

wait a minute.
you dont even need to know me.

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